& life goes on!
I’ll overcome this test :)
I’ll overcome this test :)
I’m feeling pretty muthafucking stressed about SATs.
it’s the end of another long day of hitting the books. i doubt if what i write now will make any sense at all. I fear it. My mind doesn’t seem to function too well at this time of night. Heck, I hardly function at this time of the night.
You ask me about my most precious asset; i’ll have the hardest time pointing it out to you.
But somehow, i think i’ve got it. I think i can finally write about something which excites me about myself. It leaves me with awe, gratitude and curiosity.
A beautiful mind, they call it. Don’t be confused with the brain, for a mind is so much more. It’s where i exist, within gazillion electric signals in my head. An orgy of electrons. It’s really hard to imagine that my conscience resides in it, or to believe that i can even BE because of these particles. But to some extent, i am, and that fact never fails to leave me in awe.
I live in the fourth dimension in my mind, being able to create just too many possibilities of Next Year, Next Week or even Tomorrow. I stay away from doomsdays; living the future in one’s mind makes it easier for one to believe it. Regardless, death in the mind does kill, albeit in a different way - you are what you think so they say. Where doomsdays are concerned, part of my spirit gets whisked away with every death of my future self. I’d end up living a little less, maybe a little sadder, maybe a little less hopeful.
I’m glad i have the ability to recognize this, because i now can choose what to see. My mind is like part Google part Hermione’s Bottomless Bag - as expansive as the universe, only if you want it to be; limitless possibilities to be picked out, only if you ask the right questions. I choose to live futures that excite, encourage and inspire. My future selves try their best to help me out in today’s choices - but too many are the distractions around me. I’m torn between two worlds. The temptation to shut the future out to only savor the Present is irresistible. The Present is here, and it’s now, right in your very hands, you don’t have to do anything to be in it.
But is it enough? We try to Live Life To The Full, but will we ever know what Full means if we’re ever only hungry for the present? To neglect your other selves in the infinite possible number of futures might be Not Living Life To The Full instead.
This asset of mine, unfortunately, is really in its every essence a tool. Part of it can turn on itself, regressing into horrors while the other wrests control for good. I like this part of my mind the most. A constant battlefield, between two very polarized possibilities to every future time. I believe such a tango takes place all the time in all minds. I’m happy to be in control of my battles.
The mind is not perfect, and mine is certainly no exception. But it is a gift truly from God out of His abundant love, it is also where my heart lies and my soul resides. Through it and in it, i see my future, i remember the past and i store the present. Like our very own genie lamps, it’s somewhat magical. For all that it is and is not to me, it still kicks some serious ass. My Mind - my most precious asset? Definitely.