A Complex
My good friend sean sent me a message the other day, and i just wanna post something in response to it. (Hi sean how’re you haha)
“I really wonder what has gotten into most people these days. A lot of them has the idealogy that “No one will give two cents about what I think or what I feel” and I think it’s really disrespectful to those close to them. ”
I pretty much relate to this, perhaps it’s because his msg was a response to my post 2 days ago, but i just have to say i agree so much that i find it unfair to those who value me as a friend.
I was speaking to steph earlier tonight otw home and we stumbled upon the topic of insecurities and feeling inferior and stuff. Not my favorite thing to speak about but i realized some things about myself and perhaps about those around me. I realized that i react quite strongly towards some insecurities of others. I never really had good reactions when friends start to fret about things which aren’t on my things-okay-to-be-insecure-about list. I never really thought of this list myself, but it seems to just be there in my conscience. Of course, my reactions dont usually leave very good impressions or have any positive effects whatsoever most of the time.
With regards to what sean said about the alone-complex as i shall call it, perhaps it’s because of people like me who give others the impression that their concerns are ridonkulous and have too big an ego to admit that i’m not a determinant of what’s important or not. Of course i try to find out the reasons for the insecurities of others but with little success - but, my friends can obviously sense that i had already conceived some sort of judgement in my mind wayyyy before such probing happens.
At times like these, i need a slap.
It’s easy not to express your judgement, but looking back at my own experiences, they still do spawn in your gut subconsciously - not a pleasant feeling to have. How’d you like it if i prevented you from puking poop that just materialized in your stomach? I’d rather not dirty the person infront of me but it sucks to keep it in my stomach too. I just need to find out where all this poop comes from and kill it there.
